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| by Felicia Zopol |
 An Excerpt From the Sex Instruction ManualEssential Information and Techniques for Optimum Performance VIEW BOOK!  Although it applies technological language to our sex lives, Sex Instruction Manual is a human, sensitive and amusing "guide to maxmizing one's pleasure through the proper care, maintenance, and deployment of sexual parts, tools, and techniques." Even after mutual sexual attraction has been established, most people still require a process of initialization (also known as “booting up” or “seduction”) in which they are drawn slowly and willingly into sexual interface. In general, this is accomplished by various demonstrations of sexual appeal that activates both partners’ erotic desires. But exactly what works will vary widely from person to person and usually require customization to reflect individual tastes. Here are some basic seduction activities and techniques that you can experiment with and customize. Conversing. Discuss topics other than sex, which will help the other person relax and get to know you better. Ask about his or her life, day, experiences, and aspirations. EXPERT TIP: Listening is the key to effective communication. Most people want to feel that you value their opinions. So listen closely and make sure your responses reflect that you understand and appreciate what the person is saying. Listening will help you learn about the person’s interests and what is likely to activate him or her. It will also help you learn more reasons for your attraction. Gazing. Look directly into the person’s eyes while talking. This simple technique can either be incredibly seductive or alert you that the person is not ready for seduction. Dancing. Moving your body rhythmically to musical vibrations helps simultaneously relax your partner and activate erotic desire, providing the opportunity to signal sexual interest. Tabooing. If the other person is reluctant to continue with sexual interface for moral reasons, try engaging in a mostly innocuous yet still morally questionable activity. Perform a practical joke on a mutual acquaintance. Play hooky from work together. Steal a neighbor’s lawn ornament. Indulging in and enjoying such mildly dishonorable pursuits may help your partner loosen up or become excited, opening the door to sexual interface. WARNING: Coaxing is acceptable, but do not exert verbal pressure or complain if the other person is not ready to proceed with foreplay. Effective interface requires trust, comfort, and mutual enthusiasm. Engage in activities that will help the person achieve those states with you instead of undermining them through negativity. Massaging. Extended, intense touching and manipulation of a particular body area is a great way to help a person relax and affirm a more positive relationship between you. Massages require patience and a certain level of knowledge, but you can gain much of that knowledge through experience. Concentrate your efforts on one part of the body. (The neck, shoulders, upper back, and feet are popular locations.) Begin rubbing the area, focusing on the largest muscles. Start gently, then experiment with various motions, areas, and pressure to explore which applications the person enjoys most. Massage can take many years to perfect, but with practice, and by paying attention to feedback, you should be able to administer an effective and much-appreciated massage on your first try. Note: Avoid massaging the genitalia unless specifically prompted to do so. Head or Scalp Massaging. Because it houses the erotic software you must activate for effective interface, a person’s head is particularly vulnerable to the kind of muscle tension that can frustrate erotic desire. As a consequence, you need to ensure that this area is functioning properly. Rub your partner’s forehead, starting your thumbs in its center and pushing them slowly outward. Continue across the temples. Use all your fingers to rub the top of the head, beginning at the front and moving to the rear. Gently stroke the back of the cranial apparatus. Gauge the person’s feedback to see which area or areas crave the most attention, and repeat your efforts there. EXPERT TIP: A person complaining of a headache is usually sending you a signal of reluctance to enter into or continue with sexual interface. You can test the validity or overcome this objection with the offer of a long, gentle head rub. Cuddling. Sitting or reclining on a couch or mattress and interlocking arms and legs can relax a partner and help form a bond of trust between you. The posture also serves as a good starting point for foreplay activities. EXPERT TIP: Letting a person observe you doing something well can be an even more effective seduction technique than direct efforts. Skillfully perform a non-sex-related act in your dwelling or public space. Time-honored competencies that have been showcased in this manner include the aforementioned dancing as well as cooking (bonus points awarded for demonstration of esoteric techniques or mastery of arcane/trendy ethnic cuisines), skating (ice or roller), bowling, drag racing, or skeet shooting. Visual Cues That Your Partner Is Ready for Sexual Interface Moving Next to You Opening Posture Staring Outer Clothing Removal Playing with Your Hair Lip Licking Touching Lap Sitting Initial Touching Once you and your partner have both activated your mutual desire through seduction and settled into a location suitable for sexual activities, it is usually best to initiate a final transitional step of light, strategic touching. This stimulation of minor erotic sensors will help you and your partner heighten the level of activation, communicate, confirm intentions, build trust, and prepare for stimulation of major sexual sensors through foreplay. As you engage in initial touching activities, focus on the other person’s eyes. Such “eye contact” will not only help you gauge responses to your touching but can also heighten arousal. Hands: Stroke the back of the person’s hand with your fingertips. Gently grasp one or both hands in your own. Touch your lips to the back of the hand. Stroke and nibble individual fingers. Arms: Run your fingers down the outside of the person’s arms. Move gently to the arms’ sensitive undersides. Shoulders and Back: Stroke the person’s shoulders and upper back with your hands. Gently squeeze and knead the large muscles located there. Full Arm Encirclement: Loop your arms around your partner at the top, middle, or lower part of the back until your arms overlap behind. Hold this position. EXPERT TIP: Encircling your partner from behind, instead of in front, can be highly erotic. This approach can also allow you to move more easily into stimulation of various erogenous zones. WARNING: If the person is too large to encircle fully, extend your arms as far as you can and refrain from commenting on your inability to achieve complete encirclement. But if the person is, for example, a male body builder proud of his thick torso, remarking on your inability to fully enclose him in your arms could bolster his confidence and increase arousal. Feet: Place your feet so that they touch the other person’s feet. Run your toes up and down the person’s lower leg region. Intertwine the lower legs. Note: This maneuver is best performed after removing your shoes, although some males may find the stimulation supplied by, say, a stiletto heel erotically charged. At no time should you execute this maneuver while wearing cleats. Hair: Move your hand over the person’s head and run your fingers through the hair. If your partner responds favorably, run your fingers the full length of the head, starting at the top and moving downward. In the case of bald individuals or those with shaved heads, substitute gentle stroking of the hairless area. Vocal exhortations about how sexy you find a bald head (if genuine) may prove invaluable in assuaging any feelings of follicular inadequacy the other person may feel. WARNING: Confirm, through visual inspection, whether the person is wearing a wig or toupee before proceeding with hair stimulation activities. Vigorous or even moderate contact could lead to the hairpiece displacement, and a total sexual shutdown may occur. Also refrain from hair touching if the person has natural hair configured in an especially complex or delicate manner, such as a bouffant or pompadour. Foreplay For the majority of people under the majority of circumstances, the transition from initial activation of arousal to full sexual interface requires a period of warm-up activity known as “foreplay.” This process involves stimulation of various erotic sensors in order to prepare for full genital-on-genital activity. The exact means and amount of time required to accomplish this transition vary from person to person. Some need only a few minutes; others require months of intermittent foreplay prior to full interface. Fortunately, these foreplay activities can be highly rewarding in themselves. Oral Interface (aka Kissing) Direct mouth-to-mouth contact marks the first official stage of sexual interface for most people. The mouth contains numerous sensors and plays a role in a wide variety of sexual activities. Adjoining mouths offers pleasurable stimulation and a direct link to subsequent sexual activities. Shortly before you begin mouth hookup, consume a piece of candy, a breath mint, or a flavored drink. This step is especially important if you smoke or chew tobacco; you definitely wish to avoid evoking the sensation of “licking an ashtray.” Offer one to the other person as well. Doing so will help the person warm up the mouth and discreetly eliminate unpleasant breath odors. It will also spare you from later having to embarrass the person with a request to ameliorate unacceptable breath during hookup activities. Once you are ready for full-on oral interface, follow the steps below. [ 1 ] Pucker your lips and place your mouth on sensitive areas near your partner’s mouth, moving from cheeks to forehead to ears. If the person does not pull away or protest, you are probably ready for the next step. [ 2 ] Gently place your mouth on your partner’s mouth. Push the fleshier, moister inside of your lips forward so they make contact with the outside, then inside, of his or her lips. [ 3 ] Press your mouths together and hold. Press your lips forward so they make contact with the inside of the other person’s lips. Move your lips and mouth slightly up and down and side to side. Alternate the pressure and the parts of the person’s lips you come in contact with. Adjust the positioning of your head and neck to find new, more pleasing angles of contact. WARNING: Be more gentle and cautious when orally interfacing with partners wearing a dental apparatus such as braces or dentures. Vigorous interface could cause injury to either party or may result in the dislocation of the apparatus. If both parties are wearing dental apparatus, exert particular caution, for such interface may result in the fusing of the devices, which will likely lead to discomfort, the cessation of interface activities, and an embarrassing trip to the emergency room. [ 4 ] Gently push your tongue through your lips and into your partner’s mouth. Swirl your tongue around the entryway and against the person’s tongue. Move it slowly deeper into the person’s mouth and across and around his or her tongue. [ 5 ]Experiment with different postures and lip and tongue motions until you locate a few that you both find pleasing. Repeat them randomly, moving from one to the other and back again. EXPERT TIP: Remember to come up for air every once in a while. No one enjoys kissing when they can’t breathe. Also, be sure to use the middle part of the tongue in your kiss because of the large number of sensitive nerve endings there. Advanced Touching The transition from mouth-to-mouth interface to more advanced foreplay activities can be eased by stimulation of various minor erotic sensors. Though it may require some attention and practice, these efforts are usually most effective when performed while maintaining mouth contact. Midriff: Brush your fingers over the person’s stomach. Move them slowly down the sides, from top to bottom. Gently grasp either side of the midriff. They aren’t called “love handles” for nothing. Buttocks: Trace your fingers around the outside of the person’s buttocks. Cup each buttock in your palms. Gently squeeze each cheek. Squeeze the cheeks together and move them gently up and down against each other. Avoid tapping out a recognizable rhythm, such as a conga line or Bo Diddley beat, as this may prove distracting. Back of Knee: Gently move your fingertips across the soft flesh behind the knee. This area is highly sensitive, so do not press hard into the knee joint or linger there long. Thighs: Lightly rub the outside and top of the thigh. Move your fingertips to the inside of the thighs for maximum stimulation impact. Neck: Brush your fingertips on the side of the person’s neck and then move your mouth to the area. Kiss and apply pressure on the long muscles on the sides of the neck. WARNING: Avoid applying pressure with your hands or mouth to the bulge at the front middle of the person’s neck. This “Adam’s apple” is highly sensitive and pressing against it can cause the person great discomfort and may even interrupt breathing, an essential function for continuation of sexual interface. Blocking airflow in order to heighten sexual arousal, also known as autoerotic asphyxiation, or “gasping,” is strongly discouraged— and certainly not a wise move at this stage of foreplay. It may serve to kill and/or frighten your partner. Also note that prolonged application of pressure to and sucking on other parts of the neck can lead to bruising or the rupture of small blood vessels beneath the skin, causing a dark spot, or “hickey,” to appear on the person’s neck and remain for several days. Breast Stimulation One of the most sensitive and erotically charged pieces of hardware on the human body, breasts play an important role in sexual activities. Though female mammaries get most of the attention, men’s breasts are also highly sensitive and can aid greatly in activating sexual arousal. [ 1 ] Trace your fingers around the outside of the breast while the female is still wearing clothing. [ 2 ] Cup one breast in your hand. Gently squeeze. [ 3 ] Reach underneath the person’s upper-body clothing to touch the breast area directly. If the female is wearing a secondary layer of clothing, such as a brassiere, rub around the breast area for a moment through the brassiere, then remove it. WARNING: Brassieres can be deceptively difficult to remove. Delays in their removal can lead to frustration, embarrassment, and sexual system failure. Bras are held together by hooks located at either the front centers between the cups or in the middle of the back straps. This hook can be disengaged by pushing the two sides of the bra material around it toward each other and slightly twisting one side until the hook is loosened and then dislodged. Though simple, the exact motion of the maneuver may vary slightly among types. Instead of trying to casually remove the brassiere with one hand, it is usually best to use both hands, pausing momentarily in your other foreplay efforts to concentrate on the maneuver. [ 4 ] Once you have disengaged the breasts from their packaging, repeat the cupping and tracing maneuvers you performed earlier. [ 5 ] If your hair is long enough, let if fall over the female’s breasts. Move your head back and forth so that your hair brushes across the nipples and other parts of the breast. [ 6 ] With the lightest possible touch, trace a fingertip around the outside of the nipples. Find a motion that pleases the female and repeat a few times. EXPERT TIP: Lubricate your fingers before applying them to the nipple. Moisture eases movement and intensifies sensation. Because you may also be applying your mouth to the area, use an edible lubricant. Or simply stick your finger in your mouth or the female’s mouth to moisten them with saliva. [ 7 ] Place all your fingertips around the outside of the nipple and then slowly move them inward while raising them slightly, as if you are gently lifting the nipple. [ 8 ] Move your mouth onto the breast. Extend your tongue to trace and flick it around the dark area around the nipple, or areola. Use your fingers on the other breast as you do this. WARNING: During stimulation procedures, most nipples will become engorged with blood, making them harder and two to three times larger. Do not become alarmed. This response is normal and signals approval, not injury, malfunction, or imminent bursting. [ 9 ] Once the nipple is erect, move your tongue up and down, starting from the base of the nipple and moving to its tip. Flick the tip of your tongue over the tip of the nipple. Trace circles around it, reversing direction after every few revolutions. WARNING: Because they are so sensitive, most breasts cannot endure constant attention in one area, particularly the nipple. Vary your stimulation efforts and locations around the breast and nipples to avoid overstimulation and interruption of arousal. Excessive fixation on this body part by males, often accompanied by “baby talk” or plaintive requests for milk, can quickly become creepy and off-putting for females who do not share this nursing fantasy. [ 10 ] Stimulate the underside of the breast with your tongue. This erotically charged area is often overlooked. Avoid the area, however, if you suspect that the person may be equipped with synthetic breast enhancers; breastenhancement surgery will have resulted in a scar, and its discovery will likely cause discomfort and embarrassment. WARNING: A significant percentage of females come equipped with breast-enhancement devices that make their breasts rounder and more prominent. You can identify these synthetic breasts by noting their odd texture, preternatural firmness, and lack of sag or jiggling, even when the female is lying down or moving quickly. Refrain from commenting on the synthetic nature of these specimens or the surgery scars. The female obviously went to great expense and discomfort to acquire the enhancers, so limit remarks about them, perhaps simply noting how impressed you are by their beauty and girth and natural appearance. Also note that these devices tend to make a female’s breasts less sensitive and may require more vigorous and prolonged activation efforts. [ 11 ] If possible, push the breasts together so you can attend to both nipples at once within your mouth or by flicking your tongue from side to side. What the Breasts Are Not The breasts are not radio dials. Avoid excessive “fiddling” or “tuning” of the nipples, as this action can cause irritation. The breasts are not your dinner. Gentle suction and light nibbling on the nipples is fine. Hard biting and indiscriminate chomping is not. The breasts are not your lifeline. Do not grab or latch onto your partner’s breasts, even in the throes of passion, unless specifically directed to do so. If you are male, treat them with the same courtesy and respect with which you would want your two testicles to be treated. The breasts are not the same for everyone. This is especially important to keep in mind when your partner is a female with very sensitive breasts, which can be caused by pregnancy, menstrual cycle, or other biological factors. Making eye contact, listening for responses, and asking your partner what she prefers are the most effective ways of determining whether your breastwork is proving arousing, or merely nettlesome. Alternative Foreplay Activities Sometimes an indirect or unexpected approach can prove more effective in fully activating sexual arousal. Try these activities to stimulate your partner in unexpected ways. Feathering: Take a long, soft feather and trace it over the person’s sensitive areas such as the lips, cheeks, legs, stomach, breasts, neck, etc. Try a feather in each hand working on separate parts of the person’s body. Featherdusting: A cleaning apparatus equipped with dozens of feathers multiplies the titillations provided by a single feather. Avoid used featherdusters, which will spread more dirt than pleasurable stimulation. Silking: Rub a piece of silk or other smooth, soft fabric across sensitive parts of the body. Gaming: Play strip poker. Or try one of the numerous sexually themed board games available. Or just eroticize a regular game such as tag or Yahtzee. The resulting fun and competition can reduce inhibition and activate arousal. EXPERT TIP: The old childhood game of tickling can prove highly effective in activating a sluggish partner or relaxing a tense one. During initial touching activities, note any areas, such as the abdomen or soles of the feet, that when touched cause the person to recoil and giggle. If necessary, return to these areas for vigorous tickling efforts with your fingertips or a feather. Stretching: Take turns helping each other stretch out legs, arms, and backs. These activities will lead to sensual touching as well as deeper, more satisfying, stretching that will help activate arousal and prepare for sex. Co-Eating: Feed each other a spoonful of cake. Lick whipped cream off each other’s breasts. Pour liquid refreshment on each other’s midriffs, then lap it up. These and other shared eating activities stimulate the lips and tongue as well as the other portions of the body. EXPERT TIP: Consider a trip to the local sex shop to purchase edible underwear, an undergarment made of gelatin and artificial flavoring that can be consumed during foreplay. Bear in mind that edible undergarments made with sugar should be kept clear of the female genitalia, as they may increase the risk of yeast infection. Also, remember that the term edible is being used very loosely here; eating this underwear is akin to consuming a hundred year-old fruit roll-up. Relocating: Moving to a different setting can help relax and/or excite. If the person seems tense in the current situation, try moving to a more comfortable place, one that is private and/or familiar to your partner. If the person seems bored and disengaged, try an altogether unexpected setting, such as a kitchen countertop, a forest, an alley, or a stairwell. Such surprises may serve to heighten arousal. Blindfolding: Covering a person’s eyes with a bandana or cloth, then manually stimulating various hardware units, can enhance the sensation of touch and anticipation. This exercise also builds excitement and trust. Stripteasing: Slowly and sensually undressing yourself and each other helps heighten anticipation and hardware awareness. It also provides numerous opportunities for stimulation with pieces of clothing (e.g., slowly pulling a stocking up and down a person’s leg). Bathing: Climbing into a bath, shower, or hot tub together will not only afford you the chance to undress each other but also provide a myriad of arous- al opportunities. Warm water relaxes the body and the mind, helping deactivate blocks to erotic enjoyment. A shower stream can be aimed onto the breasts, lips, buttocks, or other erotically charged areas. Being completely naked together also opens up the full range of foreplay activities and helps ease tensions and insecurities. Rebooting Strategies; Foreplay activities do not always have the intended effect. During their application the other person may lose, rather than gain, interest in further interface. This loss of interest may be due to ineffective technique, distraction, anxiety, or the belief that you have moved too quickly from seduction to full interface. Whatever the cause, if you note the person is unresponsive to a particular foreplay activity, move on to another. If the person remains unresponsive to all your foreplay efforts, try returning to initialization/seduction mode. From The Sex Instruction Manual by Felicia Zopol © 2009 Quirk Productions, Inc. Reprinted with permission. Visit us on the web at www.irreference.com. |
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