Rekindle the Fire
When we first fall in love, we constantly think of the other person and try to spend much of our time in romantic situations. This courtship period is based on sexual attraction and infatuation, but it is also a time when mutual interests develop and we establish the foundation for a long-term relationship.

The sensation of romantic love seldom seems to last. When it wanes, feelings of caring, comfort, and commitment take its place. These feelings are powerful enough to support a loving relationship and can continue throughout a lifetime. Sometimes, however, these deeper emotions do not give you everything you need to continue to be satisfied with your relationship. You may be discontented or bored with “married sex” and may fantasize about different ways of having sex or even different partners. This is natural human behavior and so common that former President Jimmy Carter even shared his very personal feelings with the world by saying that he lusted after other women … in his heart. It’s normal to become a little bored with sex in a committed relationship of many years—unless you get creative.

Many people feel a tremendous amount of guilt about their natural needs and desires and hold back these feelings from their partners. Couples who learn to encourage each other to be open about what they would like sexually have much less difficulty in coping with these normal human challenges.

It’s also fine to be creative. If watching a movie with a sexy actor or actress makes you aroused, using that spark to create a little romance is perfectly fine. On the other hand, having an “emotional affair” or maintaining a friendship with someone who totally turns you on can be very destructive. It’s best if the “other people” in your fantasy life are imaginary or unattainable.

There are numerous other ways to put the fire back into your relationship. Many books, videos, and classes are available to help with this pleasant task. Take some time to check out the vast amount of material available to help you relight the fire in your relationship. You will find it to be one of the most rewarding and pleasurable investments of your life.

Sometimes you just have to get into it before you can get into it. So, I say, “Just do it and see what happens.” A dry spell can last for years if you let it. Try one of these tips to get things started.

1. One of the sexiest things you can do with your partner is to tell him or her that you want to make your love life better. Be sure to do this in a fun and uplifting way; shaming someone about sex can damage their desire to do it.

2. Unplug the TV and leave a note on the remote and TV saying, “Turn me on instead.”

3. Write a sexy love note to your partner and insert it in the book they are reading.

4. Don’t just walk into the house as usual. Pause on the porch, ring the doorbell, and greet your partner with a red rose and a bottle of champagne.

Excerpted from:
Emotional Fitness for Couples
10 Minutes a Day to a Better Relationship
Barton Goldsmith, PH.D.
REPRINTED WITH PERMISSION BY NEW HARBINGER PUBLICATIONS, INC.
www.newharbinger.com