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Leave a note on the TV that says, "Turn me on instead, " suggests emotional fitness guru Barton Goldsmith, Ph. D., psychotherapist, syndicated columnist and radio host . Ten Tips to Ignite the Sexual Fires 1. Act sexy and you’ll feel sexy Play the part by setting the scene with candlelight and soft music, softer words, lingerie, and great smells. This creates a fanciful mood for both of you, and sex will be unavoidable. 2. Make your bedroom a romantic hideaway Get some silk sheets and soft lights. Having a place to go when the feelings come over you is important to keeping romance alive. 3. Talk about sex Call your partner in the middle of the day and tell them you can’t wait to make love to them. Drop little sexual innuendoes and talk about sex. Conversations about love may be one of the most underrated aphrodisiacs. See chapter 21 for more ideas. 4. Share your secret romantic fantasy with your partner and them ask them to tell you theirs. Then make plans to play your fantasies out. Just the anticipation will add to your romance, and the gift of giving each other what you desire will be something that you will never forget.5. Make love at least once a week This may be the most important and most disregarded rule of sexual intimacy. Connecting in this way is something that both of you can look forward to all week long as your special time together. 6. Be creative Relive your first encounter, kidnap your partner for a weekend getaway, have chocolate covered strawberries and champagne in bed, or serenade your partner with your favorite song. There are so many different ways to be sexy. Just go with your ideas (or buy a book to get some). It’s really hard to do it wrong. 7. Kiss often Couples who kiss every day make love more than those who don’t. One of the sexiest things you can do with your partner is to just spend a night making out and cuddling. 8. Let goGive your partner total control in the physical romance department every once in a while. It’s surprising how they will surprise you if they can give to you in any way they want. There is also something freeing about giving up control. Just say to the one you love, “Honey, I’m all yours. Do with me what you will.” 9. Compliment each other Everyone wants to know they’re desirable, and we all wonder if our partners still find us sexy after a few years have gone by. Compliments should take place throughout the day. This way, at bedtime, your partner will already feel desired and you will reap the benefits. 10. Think about sex We all think about sex, but sometimes we forget to put our partner in the picture with us. Next time your mind wanders in that direction, be sure to focus on being with the person you love. Ten Tips to Increase Intimacy Here are some of the many ways the happiest of couples interact with each other. Try them out. 1. Be best friends Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg both say that their wives are their best friends. People who think that having a best friend as a partner is unromantic are usually single and bitter. Having a best friend in your heart and bed is the best part of a loving relationship. 2. Be able to laugh at yourselves Maintaining a sense of humor about your life and your relationship is one of the keys to thriving. Life can throw many curves and without the ability to see and appreciate the irony, you could end up hating the world and each other. 3. Be open to new ideas and experiences If your partner only wanted to do the things you like to do, life would soon become dull and uninteresting. Having a partner who exposes you to different perspectives and dreams will make your world and soul fulfilled. 4. Be willing to be willing When change or compromise is called for, you don’t have to accept it immediately. Just being willing to look at things from another perspective can often be enough to help you resolve most differences that occur in an emotionally fit relationship. 5. Be kind Kindness and courtesy are perhaps the most undervalued and underused of human virtues. Courtesy, communication, and kindness can turn conflict into consensus. 6. Be able to give all of your attention Giving your partner 100 percent of your attention when they want to talk to you is one of the most bonding and powerful things you can do. Put down the remote control or whatever you’re reading, face your partner, and say, “What would you like to talk about?” It will make your partner feel loved and important. 7. Be demonstrative Couples who often touch and hold each other often have fewer arguments, enjoy life more, and stay healthier. Touching is one of the deepest forms of communication. See chapter 13 for more tips on touching. 8. Be trustworthy Never give your partner any reason to doubt your loyalty or devotion. Whenever you are away from each other, check in regularly to let your partner know you’re okay. 9. Be available If your partner has a problem, be the one they call first. Commitment means that you can count on your partner to be there for you when you need them. 10. Be proactive Couples who take a relationship inventory and see what they have as well as what it is they might need in the future, are much better prepared for difficulty and have longer lasting, more successful relationships. Rekindle the Fire
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Ten Tips to Ignite the Sexual Fires
4. Share your secret romantic fantasy with your partner and them ask them to tell you theirs. Then make plans to play your fantasies out. Just the anticipation will add to your romance, and the gift of giving each other what you desire will be something that you will never forget.
8. Let go



























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