by Emily Kensington   
attraction sexual hookup near fenceYou met on vacation or at a friend’s wedding and the attraction was immediate. It was physical, intellectual and emotional and too potent to ignore. That first meeting was amazing, but you live hundreds, maybe thousands of miles from each other. Can it work? Absolutely... Probably… Possibly… Maybe not… If there’s a chance, go for it… And read what couple’s therapist Emily Kensington says will help that new relationship to grow.

kiss on merry-go-round in long distance relationshipCommunicate in some way every day - more than once if possible. Since you won't be seeing each other, it's important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don't have to be long, in-depth conversations (though those should occur sometimes). Tell each other about your little triumphs and tragedies. Ask for advice.

Use an instant messenger program or VoIP for real-time chat, or webcams for that visual connection. E-mail is great so make sure you use it, especially if long-distance phone calls put a strain on your budget. Write love letters. Send small gifts or flowers for no reason. In this case, quantity is as important as quality. You may discover an advantage over others whose partner is close at hand - you don't take communication for granted! 

Ask the important questions at the onset, to make sure you are both clear on the parameters of the relationship. These can be difficult and awkward questions to ask, but will save you great heartache and misunderstanding down the line. Is there another person in the picture? Are you open to the possibility of relocating if the relationship should become more serious?

snuggle on steps with flowers in long distance relationshipRecognize, and take advantage of, the benefits that long distance relationships offer such as more time with friends and/or family, no arguments over toothpaste caps, the pleasure of seeing your sweetheart again after a long absence. Most important, being far apart gives you a chance to maintain your individuality - something that can get lost in the shuffle when couples spend all their free time together.

Pursue common interests, even if it means pursuing them apart. If there's a movie you're both interested in seeing, watch it individually and then call each other afterward and discuss it. Read a certain book at the same time. Stargaze while on you're on the phone. Set your watches to go off at the same time every day, and synchronize your alarm with that of your partner. Make it a point to think of each other when your watch goes off, and revel in the fact that he or she is thinking about you, too. Find creative ways to bond.

Avoid the temptation to be controlling. People have free will and no one can or should control another person. As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference. As soon as one of you decides the other is not a good match - or someone else is a better match - your relationship ends, whether you live 3000 miles apart, two streets over, or share the same bed with your wedding picture on the wall. Most relationship advice boils down to common sense; needless to say you are going to have to trust each other completely if this relationship is going to work.

Talk about your future together. Assuming that ultimately you'd want to live together, discussing how you're going to get to that point will help you prove to each other that long distance relationships can go somewhere and that your efforts and frustrations are not in vain.

Perhaps the toughest aspect of long distance relationships is this: Know when to say good-bye. While this is tough in any relationship, this can be especially hard over long distances. When communication becomes one-sided or sparse for too long and for no apparent reason, when arguments (yes, you'll have them) become too frequent, when the whole thing just seems like more trouble than it's worth, it's time to re-evaluate the relationship. Either you'll decide to go your separate ways, or you'll get closer for having overcome another obstacle to your happiness together.

 

Emily Kensington is a couples therapist. Relationship advice and romance tips are online at http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com

 

 

8 Comments

  1. wow ! great tips for traveller!
  2. i many time meet girls in parties & weddings. a few time i got success to date with them.
  3. It is very possible to maintain a long distace relationship. All it takes is a deep commitment on both parts.
  4. I've been into long distance relationships before and it's not working for me. It's good in the first few months then suddenly it's working anymore. I agree with you about constant communication, not like before, which long distance calls can cost you a lot of money, now, there are lot of ways to communicate to someone across the globe. These tips are really helpful, thanks for posting. Happy Holidays!
  5. I think its depends on trust, commitment, and love shared between the couples,yes in a long distance relationship that depends on honest and open communication. Communication is key
  6. Avoid jealousy and learn to trust your partner especially in a distance relationship. One of the easiest ways to destroy a perfectly healthy relationship is to poison it with jealousy! Then, try to visit your partners often. A relationship cannot thrive if the only thing you have is the phone call. You need to see each other up close and personal every chance you get. The key here is to set up some "rules" about frequency of communication and visits and stick to them, consistency can help a long distance relationship to survive.
  7. You never know who, when, and where you will meet a special someone. Remember Love does come that easy and often so if it's a long distance relationship and you feel right, just go for it. I did and never regret it. You will find a way to make it work somehow.
  8. Long distance relationships are always difficult because it is hard to create or maintain intimacy, but video chat has made it a little easier because you can at least see the person you are talking to.

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