by Emily Kensington   
attraction sexual hookup near fenceYou met on vacation or at a friend’s wedding and the attraction was immediate. It was physical, intellectual and emotional and too potent to ignore. That first meeting was amazing, but you live hundreds, maybe thousands of miles from each other. Can it work? Absolutely... Probably… Possibly… Maybe not… If there’s a chance, go for it… And read what couple’s therapist Emily Kensington says will help that new relationship to grow.

kiss on merry-go-round in long distance relationshipCommunicate in some way every day - more than once if possible. Since you won't be seeing each other, it's important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don't have to be long, in-depth conversations (though those should occur sometimes). Tell each other about your little triumphs and tragedies. Ask for advice.

Use an instant messenger program or VoIP for real-time chat, or webcams for that visual connection. E-mail is great so make sure you use it, especially if long-distance phone calls put a strain on your budget. Write love letters. Send small gifts or flowers for no reason. In this case, quantity is as important as quality. You may discover an advantage over others whose partner is close at hand - you don't take communication for granted! 

Ask the important questions at the onset, to make sure you are both clear on the parameters of the relationship. These can be difficult and awkward questions to ask, but will save you great heartache and misunderstanding down the line. Is there another person in the picture? Are you open to the possibility of relocating if the relationship should become more serious?

snuggle on steps with flowers in long distance relationshipRecognize, and take advantage of, the benefits that long distance relationships offer such as more time with friends and/or family, no arguments over toothpaste caps, the pleasure of seeing your sweetheart again after a long absence. Most important, being far apart gives you a chance to maintain your individuality - something that can get lost in the shuffle when couples spend all their free time together.

Pursue common interests, even if it means pursuing them apart. If there's a movie you're both interested in seeing, watch it individually and then call each other afterward and discuss it. Read a certain book at the same time. Stargaze while on you're on the phone. Set your watches to go off at the same time every day, and synchronize your alarm with that of your partner. Make it a point to think of each other when your watch goes off, and revel in the fact that he or she is thinking about you, too. Find creative ways to bond.

Avoid the temptation to be controlling. People have free will and no one can or should control another person. As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference. As soon as one of you decides the other is not a good match - or someone else is a better match - your relationship ends, whether you live 3000 miles apart, two streets over, or share the same bed with your wedding picture on the wall. Most relationship advice boils down to common sense; needless to say you are going to have to trust each other completely if this relationship is going to work.

Talk about your future together. Assuming that ultimately you'd want to live together, discussing how you're going to get to that point will help you prove to each other that long distance relationships can go somewhere and that your efforts and frustrations are not in vain.

Perhaps the toughest aspect of long distance relationships is this: Know when to say good-bye. While this is tough in any relationship, this can be especially hard over long distances. When communication becomes one-sided or sparse for too long and for no apparent reason, when arguments (yes, you'll have them) become too frequent, when the whole thing just seems like more trouble than it's worth, it's time to re-evaluate the relationship. Either you'll decide to go your separate ways, or you'll get closer for having overcome another obstacle to your happiness together.

 

Emily Kensington is a couples therapist. Relationship advice and romance tips are online at http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com

 

 

Newest Kisses!

Please wait while JT SlideShow is loading images...
Kiss!Kiss!Kiss!Kiss!Kiss!Kiss!Kiss!Kiss!Kiss!Kiss!Kiss!Kiss!Kiss!Kiss!Kiss!
Cupid: Broke His Heart and Feeling Guilty
Broke His Heart and Feeling Guilty How Can I Keep My...
Cupid: Intimacy I Didn't Know Existed
I'm living in a Baptist city in the South, with...
Cupid: I'm Upended by My Family
I'm a man in my thirties and I've been drifting...
Cupid: My Heart Is Not In It
After a long time of waiting, there is a man...

Cupid's Arrows

Cupid: Intimacy I Didn't Know Existed
I'm living in a Baptist city in the South, with a wonderful family, very well connected, and am having an affair I can't seem to end, with an employee at...
Cupid: Did I Jeopardize My Chances?
I was in a relationship and I thought he was the one—I was totally, absolutely in love. I gave him five years to commit and he wouldn't, and then I...
Cupid: I'm Upended by My Family
I'm a man in my thirties and I've been drifting for many years. Miraculously, in the last few months my willpower has returned. I've been taking care of myself, in...
Cupid: I Left. Why Do I Feel Bad?
VeryTogether's psychic columnist answers all your questions about life and love! Why, if I'm the one who left, and was relieved and exhilarated to be free, why am I still...
Cupid: An Unsettling Presence
After ending a very long - over 20 year - relationship because he wanted to move on, my ex moved to another state.  I also moved to a different state...

Movies to See at Home

Best Romantic Films
  Delightful....captivating... original and entertaining! These romantic films are all of the above. Compellingly,  they confirm our conviction that love can, indeed, conquer all, and that we all have the chance...
Ten Sexy Movies
What's barely sexy to one person is incredibly erotic to another and porn to a third person. These ten movies explore the boundaries of sexuality, each in its own way....
Great Historic Movies - 20th Century
What better way to learn history than to pop a DVD in the player, microwave popcorn, put up your feet and be whisked away to the past. What made...
A Dozen Great Comedies You Might Have Missed
Stressed? Bored? Restless? Rent a few of these exhilarating comedies and kick back. Invite your honey or a new date. There's nothing quite as sexy as a great screwball comedy....

Books!


pregnancy and postpartum anxiety workbook









Four dads Holding Babies book cove


The Power of the Middle Ground by Marty Babits, LCSW, BCD