Ever find yourself thinking about that special someone... and then realizing it's a terrible idea? Maybe she's just too young or maybe he's your subordinate at work. Whatever the reason, having a crush on someone is not the problem. The real issue is your own restraint and self-control.   Examine the situation.

Ask yourself why you would be so interested in this particular person over all others. Obviously, there is the primal attraction factor - there are just certain people you will find attractive, whether it's appropriate or not. But the key here is to voice your objections in a way that your sense of propriety hears you. If she's a lot younger than you are, why are you interested in a young woman whose interests and priorities will be very different from your own? If you are into a guy who works for you, are you more into the idea that you can call the shots than the actual person? If you have a crush on your brother's girlfriend, is it more about getting one over on your brother than actual interest in the girl?

Project the potential fallout. If you were to get involved with this person, how would the fallout affect you? Her/Him? Your friends, family, co-workers? Think as if it were a chess game - visualize the next several moves: "If I do this, then s/he will do that; then my brother will hate me; then the first time we argue I will lose my job; then I will die homeless and penniless and nobody else but my parents will ever love me." Well, it might not really be that dire, but you get the idea. Is the potential relationship with this person worth all the trouble you will endure, and what are the chances the relationship would survive all of the chaos that will ensue?

Consider your reputation. What will other people think - will they think more, or less of you? It's not cool to try to steal your buddy's girl. You might end up with her, but you will lose your friend. If you're older, and the person is a minor, you will be considered a cradle-robber - and on top of that, if you actually pursue that relationship into a sexual situation, you could be looking at jail. Sex with a minor is worse than inappropriate - it's a crime.

Think about your future. If you get involved with someone inappropriate, you will not just be dealing with problems now. You will be dealing with the fallout far - maybe years - into the future. Let's say the person you are crazy about is really kind of a ... well... not very nice person. She's nice to you, but she isn't very nice to your friends or relatives. You start ditching your friends and family to spend time with her. She's super flaky, and you become flaky, too - going back on your word because she wasn't willing to do whatever it was you promised you'd do - and won't let you do it, either. Even after you break up with her, everyone you know will still view you with distrust. They will question your judgment for ever getting involved with someone like that in the first place.

What To Do
Distract yourself. Now that you've analyzed, considered, and really meditated upon how terrible this idea is, you need to stop obsessing on this person. No matter how tempting it is to think about him/her, fantasize, and get yourself all tingly doing it, stop it. Do something else. In loose psychological terms, it's called redirecting behaviors and thought patterns. Train yourself to think about something else every time you start thinking about him/her - think of being at Disneyland. Think of being on a train with your family. Think of being a superhero. Whatever. Just think about something else. Turn on the radio or TV, and get some other thoughts running through your head. If you still feel yourself reverting to thoughts of your forbidden crush, call a friend. Go see that friend - get out of the house and out of your head.

Avoid the person. If you can remove yourself from that person as much as possible, the crush will weaken. In order to sustain our adoration for someone, we generally need to reinforce it by seeing the person. (Absence usually doesn't make the heart grow fonder, actually.) Of course, this isn't always practical, but do what you can to minimize contact with the other person.

Focus on the negative. Almost by definition, a crush involves an idealized picture of someone else. But everyone is human, and even your crush has characteristics that are probably not pleasant. Perhaps he says mean things to people, or maybe she listens to music that you think is dumb. Or perhaps he or she merely ignores you. Try to work up some negative energy about the person that you can focus on in order to weaken the crush.

Wait it out. All crushes fade with time. If you can avoid doing something regrettable and keep your feelings in check, eventually those powerful emotions will run their course.

Ask someone else out. It doesn't matter if that person does not measure up to your "wrong crush." What does matter is that you spend some time in the pleasant company of someone other than that person. Start dating others, and keep an open mind. That person is off limits to you, and you have to start re-wiring your brain to think about being with someone else.

Make it right. Let's face it: sometimes, you can't convince yourself that you don't feel the way you feel. If you've tried to fight it, all to no avail, and you still find yourself sighing over him/her, then make it right. There are ways to make an inappropriate crush totally appropriate - the most important thing to remember is to make it right FIRST - and then, and only then - get involved. And then, true love wins the day!

If  she's your brother's girl, then you have to behave as a gallant gentleman, and never hit on her. If your brother breaks up with her, you can ask your brother if he'd mind you asking her out. Maybe he wouldn't mind, and there certainly is precedent for it. If he doesn't break up with her, or if he won't give you permission, you're out of luck unless you are prepared to accept the consequences - your brother may not speak to you.

If you're interested in someone much younger, wait for him/her. Don't get involved with anyone. Bide your time, remain friendly, but don't get too close. Love him or her from afar until it is appropriate. Once you are both finished with High School a 5-year age difference becomes unimportant - but while she is a minor, it could be deadly to your future. And then, what good would you be to her?

If you are into a subordinate, let him know of your interest, but you must agree that one of you must transfer to another department, or one of you must resign (assuming that the feeling is mutual, of course) before you can act on your feelings and develop a personal relationship.

Emotions or physical attractions can and must be controlled to match different social situations. Just because you have them does not mean it's okay to act on them all the time. Taking the time to create healthy relationships now gives you a long-term way to explore all your feelings safely. 

 Article by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. How to Stop Having an Inappropriate Crush. Content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons License.