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| by Cynthia G. Last, PhD |
 Excerpt from When Someone You Love Is BipolarHelp and Support for You and Your Partner VIEW BOOK!  Help and Support for You and Your Partner Many of us live with a diagnosis – our own or our partner’s – of bipolar disorder. Cynthia G. Last, PhD, a therapist who lives with the diagnosis and has been married 20 years, details the challenges of the diagnosis and the strategies couples can apply to support each other during the mood swings and changes that characterize this illness. The Early Intervention Plan There are a number of concrete measures your mate or the two of you can take to help turn things around: 1. Encourage your mate to set small goals and break them down into feasible steps. Setting and meeting goals enhances self-esteem and elevates mood. However, a goal shouldn’t be too large, or it will have the reverse (undesired) effect. For example, if the house needs to be straightened up but it seems like an overwhelming task to your partner, suggest that she break the job down, room by room, and start with the room that will be easiest to get in order. Or, if the idea of cleaning one entire room seems like too large a step, break that down even further, by tackling just one component of the job, like hanging up clothes or dusting the furniture. 2. Help your partner stay physically active. When becoming depressed, people frequently decrease their level of physical activity. Staying active is more important now than ever. Has your mate stopped going to the gym? Has he decreased his regular tennis games from twice to once a week? Is there a way you can encourage him to return to his previous activity schedule? For example, if he’s complaining that he can’t manage his daily run in the mornings because he’s tired, could you help out by getting up with him and making the coffee (providing him with the caffeine “boost” he needs to get going)? Are there physical activities that the two of you might take on together? 3. Help your partner include pleasant events in each day. Everyone needs activities and events that make him or her feel good. Is your mate so bogged down in doing the necessary stuff—work, caring for the kids, doing chores—that there really doesn’t seem to be time for pleasure or fun? Could you help out to make some room in her busy schedule, maybe watching the kids for an hour in the evening so she can enjoy a bath or read a good book? Doing the laundry on Saturday while she goes for a run with a friend? Or getting someone else to help out—like getting a babysitter for Sunday afternoon so the two of you can go to the movies? Also keep in mind the little things you could do to brighten her day—like bringing home a small bouquet of flowers or stopping at the store to pick up her favorite flavor of ice cream. 4. Suggest that your mate increase exposure to light. As you know from Chapter 4, exposure to light helps to elevate mood. Has your partner been getting enough outdoor time? Are there activities (perhaps physical ones—that way your mate will be accomplishing two of the items on this list at once) that the two of you could do together outside the house? Taking a walk, playing tennis, cross-country skiing? Or just sitting in the backyard listening to music, reading, or talking? 5. Assist your loved one in maintaining contact with family and friends. When people are beginning to get depressed, they frequently start to isolate from others. Make an effort to keep to your normal social calendar. If Sunday dinner is always with your partner’s parents, continue the tradition. If your mate has a standing appointment to play cards with “the guys” on Tuesdays, encourage him to keep it, even if he’s not as enthusiastic about it as usual. 6. Persuade your partner to postpone making major life decisions. Since depression impairs judgment, now definitely isn’t a good time to make plans that will have a major impact on your lives. You can actually say something of this sort to your partner: “I’ve read that people should put off making major life decisions when depressed. How about we put this decision on hold until you’re feeling better?” Or consider using yourself as the scapegoat, saying something like “I’ve got so much on my mind right now. Can we wait on this until things lighten up for me?” 7. Try to adhere as closely as possible to a normal routine. You already know from Chapter 7 the importance of having a regular routine for mood stability. Has there recently been a change in the usual routine, one that’s affecting your mate? Or, when you think back, have you and your mate gotten a bit “loose” lately about keeping to your daily schedule? Have you been eating meals catch-as-catch-can? Going to bed whenever the mood strikes? Do your best to get back on your usual routine—with set times for meals and sleep. 8. If you can identify a trigger situation, take steps to eliminate it or lessen its impact. In Chapter 7 you identified your mate’s triggers for depression. Have any of these situations occurred recently (or are any present now)? If so, is the circumstance something that can be removed or reversed so that it no longer has an impact on your mate? Or are there steps you can take to minimize the effect the trigger is having? For example, if your family recently lost a pet, maybe it would help to bring a new puppy/kitten into the home. If the two of you haven’t been spending as much quality time together, perhaps planning a vacation (if feasible) would help to rekindle the relationship. Could the trigger be hormonal in nature and a visit to the gynecologist or endocrinologist be of help? 9. Keep in close contact with your mate. Checking in on a regular basis, for example, at three o’clock every afternoon, lets your mate know that you are thinking of him and that you care and are there. It’s also a way to monitor any further mood fluctuations. Don’t, though, check in too often (telephone calls numerous times a day) or your mate might begin to worry that he is even worse than he thought. 10. Make sure all members of the treatment team are aware of the current situation. Sharing early warning signs with your partner’s medical doctor allows the physician to intervene early—to make adjustments in medication that can help ward off another mood episode. And if your mate is in therapy, she may want to ask about the possibility of increasing the frequency of the sessions, just until she is feeling more level again. When Someone You Love Is Bipolar Help and Support for You and Your Partner By Cynthia G. Last, PhD Reprinted with permission of Guilford Press www.guilford.com |
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