Why, if I’m the one who left, and was relieved and exhilarated to be free, why am I still unresolved about the relationship? Why is the whole thing upsetting to me when I left for good reason? (He was an Iraq war vet, one of the first to be deployed, and was fine for years when he came back. Then for some reason he developed PTSD, started drinking, and then started getting violent and almost killed me.)
Bewildered

You left things in anger, and that rankles against you. In your heart, you have a desire for peace. There is still love between you, which didn’t get cut off when you left (for good reason). It will re-emerge at a different time…now, you are staying away and that’s best so you can establish other relationships. You should do what you can to make peace between you as you close the door. Around the holidays, if not now, reach out with a friendship card or a phone call.

Cupid: The People I Love Are Alienated!

I’m having a hard time getting along with people, especially the people I love. They think I’m biting their heads off when I’m just trying to communicate. What can I do to, quick, to stop alienating everyone and improve my relationships?
Unhappy

People must sense you are angry. It must come out in your voice or tone or the words you use. You will change everything for the better when people can infer from your approach that you come from a loving place.

The question is: How can you come from a loving place if you’re angry? You can’t, you have to let it go. There are a million books written about letting go of anger, and they’re all going to involve the process of forgiveness.

As the wise old Hawaiian people say about forgiveness, you can do it now, or later. There’s no getting around it if you want to be happy. There’s no being happy unless you can let go of the past. There’s no letting go of the past unless you can truly forgive yourself or someone else.”

Judging from your plea for help, it’s clear you don't know why or how you are alienating people. You can begin to find out trying the following listening exercise, suitable for communicating with your own self or others. Communicating in a loving way with your own self is the first step.

Give yourself a few minutes alone, make yourself comfortable, and tell yourself that you’re willing to hear whatever your inner self has to say to you, you will just listen and not judge. If you are angry about something, you are willing to hear all about it. Tell yourself that you are willing to do whatever it takes, or know whatever you need to know, to have more love in your life. Then just listen…